Here I am sitting admiring the beauty of it but yet remorseful of the aftershock. It was as if I was the viewer looking into another perspective, aware of every feeling, but astonished that it was taking place. An unaware fool perhaps! A fool that cherished the memories of uncertainty. It slowly but powerfully attacked. It was all about me but then it became my addiction. I remember the first day I took notice...
The music was enough to awaken me..I tried my best to keep my eyes from drooping but weariness crept upon me and I surrendered. My head dropped and quickly rose as I became aware of the embarrassment. How could I fall asleep in the pew. I tried to cough to soften my behavior. Concentrate Concentrate. The pastor's words flew through the ceilings, each word was a pretty color. My head swayed as I watched the words float around the room. "Amen," shouted the crowd and I jumped. My Aunt looked at me with disapproving eyes. I wasn't sure if she caught my weariness or if it was just the usual look she gave me when our eyes connected. I glanced away quickly and straightened out my dress. I can stay awake.. , I reassured myself.
"No, You can't hide from the Lord because He is aware of everything."
"Amen," said my Aunt.
"The only person you fooling is yourself."
"Hmmm Hmmm."
"Can anybody out there here me now??!!" The pastor shouted and continued.
I straightened my already straight posture and forced my eyes to stay open. The room was filled with the usual church members.
Clapping, stomping, yelling...Every one's attention was on the pastor, except me. I normally felt connected but today like many past Sundays..I was a spectator. Lost in my own thoughts that seemed louder than the potent sermon.
And there He was..
staring ahead with intent focus. He seemed impeccable with his nods and occasional, "Amen."
He must be a vistor. I thought to myself. His face gleamed with assertiveness. I could no longer hear the sermon. It was quite odd that this man held my interest. I began to wonder where he went to school, if he even attended school. Maybe he was congressman, a lawyer, a police man. No, he didn't look that old. As I continued to stare his eyes darted to my direction. I quickly looked away and then back again. Our eyes met. He must have felt my stares, I thought. He smiled and looked away. Great, now he must think I'm some psycho staring, unfocused, church goer, I made a mental note to avoid this fellow.
My aunt was still focused on the flowing wisdom that grasped the entire congregation. Self pity embrased me. All I could think of was how fast I could make it home once church was done to make it to work on time. Money was all I could think about. Money and the new face, worth staring at.
